We men make things way more complicated than they have to be. Our marriages grow cold and we wonder what went wrong. Let me save you thousands of dollars in marriage counseling or even worse, divorce. Put their needs above your own, treat them with dignity and respect, and most importantly, keep a smile on their face. What you see here in these pictures is the same woman, 5 years apart. The picture on the left, she has no idea in one year, her world would change forever and she would be diagnosed with cancer. The picture on the right, she has battled this monster for nearly four years. But look at those smiles! You see, our lives have changed, but my job as her husband has remained the same; helping her find that beautiful smile every chance I get.
Ever hear the expression, “A happy wife, a happy life”? Well friends, that’s all it is to it. Now, how you make that happen is up to you. Yes, it will take some effort on your behalf, but most women don’t require a whole lot; they just need to know they are loved. Call them during the day; not to tell them to do something for you; but, just to see how their day is going, and to let them know you were thinking about them. Maybe ask if there is anything you can do for them. Again, put their needs before your own. Do something spontaneous, something they would not expect, for no particular reason, just to show you care. I used to get all elaborate on Valentines Day and she has more stuffed animals around the house than she knows what to do with. But, the most memorable Valentines Day was a couple years ago when she was in the hospital, and I just stayed at her side, holding her hand, letting her know she was loved. She didn’t need something I could buy her at Walmart, she just needed me, by her side, showing her how much I love her.
The truth is, it’s really hard to show love, when you are not feeling it. This is where we MUST turn to God and allow Him to teach us how to love our wives. Depending on how cold things have gotten, we may even have to do like we see in the movie, Fireproof.
Caleb Holt: I am sorry. I have been so selfish. For the past seven years, I have trampled on you with my words and with my actions. I have loved other things, when I should have loved you. In the last few weeks, God has given me a love for you that I have never had before. And I have asked Him to forgive me. And I am hoping, I am praying, that somehow you would be able to forgive me too. Catherine, I do not want to live the rest of my life without you.
The key to this is, “God has given me a love for you that I have never had before.” I was a recipient of this amazing gift around 7 years ago, and I thank my God every day for that gift. I have no doubt, had I not received it, things would be very different today. Losing our son alone probably would have destroyed us, had we not been so close, and leaned on each other to make it through those tragic days. God is the Author of Love (John 3:16) and who better to teach us how to love. This is why I spend so much time in His presence. With the progression of this disease, and my Angel having more and more reasons these days to not smile, I need Him more than ever, to keep me strong, and give me the wisdom to know how to help her find that beautiful smile.
So let me leave you with one more piece of advice, also from Fireproof the Movie.
Caleb Holt: When a man is trying to win the heart of a woman, he studies her. He learns her likes, dislikes, habits and hobbies. But after he wins her heart and marries her, he often stops learning about her. If the amount he studied her before marriage was equal to a high school degree, he should continue to learn about her until he gains a college degree, a master’s degree and ultimately a doctorate degree. It is a lifelong journey that draws his heart ever closer to hers.
From my heart to yours!